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Letters To No One

by Illuminator

supported by
Rick Gebhardt
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Rick Gebhardt Featured Decoy bandcamp find on 7/22/2014: www.decoymusic.com/news_posts/36319
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1.
Saudade 04:43
lyrics
Why don't you listen for a second or two I don't know why i still think about you It's just the one that gets away is the one you wish had stayed Saudade Fuck You used to bring a smile to my face but my hearts in a different place I'd rather be pissed off than down on myself I'd rather be angry than alone on my own I'd rather be pissed off than wasting more time with you (You were just a waste) I've let hate consume my heart, consume my heart You're not what i fucking thought I don't know why I can't bring myself to peace I should've given up I should've called it quits, when you gave up on me I'm not a quitter, I'll hold and struggle til the end and maybe that's why I'm so bitter Maybe that's why i can't hold my anger, maybe that's why I can't get over you Fuck the way I've become or maybe this is how I always was At least I'm not alone there's a thousand of kids just like me, cheated out of every good thing in life I never knew that I could feel this way, so cold, so angry I'm less like me every day, i'm less like me every fucking day Less like me, less like me everyday, less like me If anger is fire then you're my fuel, like a wildfire burns the land I'll let this cleanse these memories of my very being Every time I hear your name, it rots my brain Every time I hear your name, it reminds me of every second I spent in pain
2.
Decay (Ft. Cody Dodd of Umbra) 03:43
lyrics
I'll shed my skin Start new again Erase you, with the passing winds I'm growing to resent you, but at least I'm growing I watched you bloom and wilt within weeks I watched you rot away Your skin carries memories of the nights you can't remember Putting my trust in you was a worthless endeavor You are dead in my heart You can not undo whats been done The pain in my heart, head and soul is temporary but the way you act will make you suffer in solidarity Blood as black as the bags under my eyes, your silver tongue will rust and the roads you walk will burn Everyone you love will lose their trust in you Maybe one day we can talk again, but for now i just want you Dead in the dirt You're just a piece of my past and that's where you'll stay You've always let me down Now stay the fuck out of my life.
3.
The Brightest Lights Seem Dim (Ft. Gabe Squier of Signs) 04:26
lyrics
Hell is my home Hell is my head Hell is everything outside of my bed Say your words, save your breath The only thing that'll save me is death I've given my all , I've given so much, when do I get mine Stop telling me everything's fine, I'm not naive i know everyone I love eventually leaves So i'll shut down, turn my back on the world that's made it so clear I'm not supposed to be here The ones I love are the ones with black masks, empty eyes and silent beats This life on deceit was made for me I can't hold my head up high, but I found hope in the embrace of twine So tell me what am, i'm supposed to do when your own heart deserts you I used to believe in better days, I just cant find a reason or the suns ray Now even the brightest light seem dim Misery loves company so sing with me, a choir for the world. We are servants to the mind and heart, free will a fucking lie you don't control life Now my chest is empty and my head is heavy, please death free me Now my chest is empty and my head is heavy, death please, free me Free me
4.
Gray Skies // Sun Breaks (Ft. Ben Hoagland of Extortionist) 04:08
lyrics
I can't seem to keep my head up high ever since our last goodbyes I just haven't been right I hate everyone and everything and I hate that I'm this fucking way but I can't seem to change a god damn thing This isn't who I wanted to be, I remember every second I spent with you, all the little things you'd do that made fall for you after all the time I spent wondering what went wrong Where the fuck did we go wrong? I have a heavy weight on my chest. I can only stand for so long, I'm giving up, I'm giving up. Your absence has left me sleepless all I wanted was for us to be happy but it was never good enough it was never fucking good enough I want to sleep with the dead To smell the earth after every rain Covered in soil and dirt where my body no longer feels this hurt My heart has tarnish, maybe it's been black from the start It always rains hardest on those who deserve the sun, what have I done Do these clouds ever break? I've let bridges burn I've watched the light fade away and the clouds they never end I've set the fires that fuel my isolation I'm giving up for my fucking sake I tell my self everyday i'll be a better man, someone that lives for something more than myself, someone stronger than me so much stronger My heart maybe heavy but it still beats, the wounds do hurt but my heart still beats for you I'm afraid to sleep cause it's your face i see Every night in every dream and it seems like that's how it'll always be so I stay awake at night and stare at the spot next to me where you're supposed to be So, this is it, erase me I'm just hoping for the best, but I'm just a walking insecurity My mind's never at ease, my soul will not rest at peace There's no escaping this hell I deserve all of this
5.
Wrath 02:19
lyrics
There is no alpha, there is no omega There is just the here and now, no reunion just darkness underground I refuse to believe in a god, as I've been told I gave up everything, I gave unconditional love and returned empty handed Forsaken My words must've fallen on deaf ears I'll assume god was too busy helping my peers to hear my pleas Or maybe the clouds the deafened my screams I've spent my time alone, and found the answers myself Sinners and saints are all the same, Heaven and hell exist inside us all We are made to suffer
6.
The Blacklisted 03:43
lyrics
Demons didn't consume me I was never any good to begin with Exile My soul, no good deed can redeem my existence I feel nothing from those around me The seraphim just pushed me away, just pushed me away Blacklist I can't recall the last time I saw light, too much decay my body is giving the fight Givin' up the fight I'm awake but i don't call this alive I'm breathing but , but my body is receding I thought i had hope, but i found was grieving I just can't come to terms with what I'm dealing with The hell inside me and the heaven that left me I put my foundations in flesh and bone, humans were not meant to be homes I do not feel warmth from the black clouds above my head I'm soaked to the bone and I'm so homesick Dragging my body, breaking my bones Baptize me in soil and worms So blacklist me from heaven cause if this is life and if this is a fathers love i'd rather die
7.
Cavity (Ft. Santos Camara of Groundfeeder) 03:52
lyrics
Move me out of your head and into the gallows Move me out of your head Black out the sun, black out the nights Living life just to hate life Empty promises form your empty fucking head Drowning your demons is useless the thrive in the shallows Actions without thoughts of other bringing back lashing storms of violent weather Once fair seas never seem to settle, you are the ocean and i am the lonely vessel out at sea God damn Can't you see that you destroy me with ease You still linger in the air Everything is wrong, there's nothing you can do to save this There's nothing alike between you and I You are the false light that's blinding my sight You're dead to me Actions without thoughts of other bringing back lashing storms of violent weather Once fair seas never seem to settle, you are the ocean and I am a lonely vessel out at sea Teeth rotting from he inside out All you speak is decay, i watched your demons swallow you lie a cavity You told me you'd change, I can't believe I fell for it I can't believe i feel for it Sever the ties with the knife in my chest I left far too much of me in the Midwest Separate the ties, good riddance, this is for the best We both know I'm better off alone We both know I'm better off alone Alone
8.
Collinsville 03:42
lyrics
I shouldn't have held you up so high, you're only human of course you lied But honestly, I expected more from you, from you I still, I still remember every word you said "Please come my way" I promise i will someday A dream come true, fell in love with you and the lies I was force fed I'm just praying that death can silence the voices in my head You've convinced me heaven isn't real, but hell, Hell is real It's a place inside of my head It's where I go when i can't sleep at night It's what i feel when my head and heart fight It's the voice that says "you'll never do this right" You'll never do this right, you'll never do this right I promise i'm trying so hard to let go of the resent I feel in my heart But I've never felt so betrayed, I felt myself decaying since the first day what more can I say I let you in, I trusted you , you ripped it out More lies than I can count You can keep it Don't want my heart back Don't wanna feel like this another fucking time I don't wanna see the sun again I can't see your face without regretting every second i spent in that fucking place Since I can't forget you i'll kill our memories, erase all trace of those dark days Forget my heart ever stayed in your hands, burn my dreams let me live with the damned Ten days in heaven turned to hell you stole my soul my hearts still in Collinsville So i'll sit in my grave Writing letters to no one Screaming songs for the world to hear of all the things I wish I had said The things I kept in my head, but theses word will never reach your ears I'd saying i'm trying to forget you but I never really knew you You're just another no one, you're just another no one now
9.
Pale Skin 04:06
lyrics
I cant sleep, bags under my eyes just get heavier Can't breathe, I can't even think straight These sleepless nights are growing old Dear world, i submit you've gotten the best of me Just give me a moment to exist, to clear my fucking head It seems like every choice i make is another dead end These four walls a prison not a home, these people I call my family just make me feel alone It's like I'rm living a life filled with ghosts, empty bodies with no hosts When we talk it never feels the same I can't remember the last time you said my name I'll tear your walls down and build a coffin in there place Cause when we talk it's like speaking with the dead Every memory of you has made a graveyard in my head I've grown so sick of the cold beneath my sheets in my mind in my veins why can't things just stay the fucking same I've grown so jaded, so full of fucking hatred I'll tear your walls down and build a coffin in there place When we talk it never feels the same, I don't even recognize your face It's hard to think anyone would want to warm my pale skin I yearn for the petrichor, to smell the earth after every rain These ghostly thoughts always come back Amarathine, these days never end When we talk it's like I'm speaking to the dead Never feels the same It's like I'm living a life filled with ghosts For every word I say The phantom chill fades away For every word I say The phantom chill fades away
10.
Ouroboros (Ft. Justin Phasavath of Prestige) 01:49
lyrics
I could could cry out to god but I don'think he's listening I could bring it all to an end, but that just puts the weight on my friends So if I'm still here after all the shit I've been through, then whats your excuse. I will bloom This is an ouroboros of the soul I am free, from negativity

credits

released May 21, 2014

All music written by Michael Dees, James Cox, Joey Landin, Kane Recardo and Gabe Mooney.

Album artwork created by Michael Dees.

Recorded, mixed and mastered by Jacob Hansen of Prestige.

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Illuminator Seattle, Washington

Northwest|Heavy

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