Letters To No One

by Illuminator

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Rick Gebhardt Featured Decoy bandcamp find on 7/22/2014: www.decoymusic.com/news_posts/36319
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released May 21, 2014

All music written by Michael Dees, James Cox, Joey Landin, Kane Recardo and Gabe Mooney.

Album artwork created by Michael Dees.

Recorded, mixed and mastered by Jacob Hansen of Prestige.



all rights reserved


Illuminator Seattle, Washington


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Track Name: Saudade
Why don't you listen for a second or two
I don't know why i still think about you
It's just the one that gets away is the one you wish had stayed
You used to bring a smile to my face but my hearts in a different place

I'd rather be pissed off than down on myself
I'd rather be angry than alone on my own
I'd rather be pissed off than wasting more time with you
(You were just a waste)
I've let hate consume my heart, consume my heart

You're not what i fucking thought

I don't know why I can't bring myself to peace
I should've given up
I should've called it quits, when you gave up on me

I'm not a quitter, I'll hold and struggle til the end and maybe that's why I'm so bitter
Maybe that's why i can't hold my anger, maybe that's why I can't get over you

Fuck the way I've become or maybe this is how I always was
At least I'm not alone there's a thousand of kids just like me, cheated out of every good thing in life
I never knew that I could feel this way, so cold, so angry
I'm less like me every day, i'm less like me every fucking day
Less like me, less like me everyday, less like me

If anger is fire then you're my fuel, like a wildfire burns the land I'll let this cleanse these memories of my very being

Every time I hear your name, it rots my brain
Every time I hear your name, it reminds me of every second I spent in pain
Track Name: Decay (Ft. Cody Dodd of Umbra)
I'll shed my skin
Start new again
Erase you, with the passing winds

I'm growing to resent you, but at least I'm growing
I watched you bloom and wilt within weeks
I watched you rot away

Your skin carries memories of the nights you can't remember
Putting my trust in you was a worthless endeavor

You are dead in my heart
You can not undo whats been done

The pain in my heart, head and soul is temporary but the way you act will make you suffer in solidarity
Blood as black as the bags under my eyes, your silver tongue will rust and the roads you walk will burn
Everyone you love will lose their trust in you

Maybe one day we can talk again, but for now i just want you
Dead in the dirt

You're just a piece of my past and that's where you'll stay
You've always let me down
Now stay the fuck out of my life.
Track Name: The Brightest Lights Seem Dim (Ft. Gabe Squier of Signs)
Hell is my home
Hell is my head
Hell is everything outside of my bed
Say your words, save your breath
The only thing that'll save me is death

I've given my all , I've given so much, when do I get mine
Stop telling me everything's fine, I'm not naive i know everyone I love eventually leaves
So i'll shut down, turn my back on the world that's made it so clear I'm not supposed to be here

The ones I love are the ones with black masks, empty eyes and silent beats
This life on deceit was made for me

I can't hold my head up high, but I found hope in the embrace of twine

So tell me what am, i'm supposed to do when your own heart deserts you
I used to believe in better days, I just cant find a reason or the suns ray
Now even the brightest light seem dim
Misery loves company so sing with me, a choir for the world.

We are servants to the mind and heart, free will a fucking lie you don't control life

Now my chest is empty and my head is heavy, please death free me
Now my chest is empty and my head is heavy, death please, free me
Free me
Track Name: Gray Skies // Sun Breaks (Ft. Ben Hoagland of Extortionist)
I can't seem to keep my head up high ever since our last goodbyes I just haven't been right
I hate everyone and everything and I hate that I'm this fucking way but I can't seem to change a god damn thing

This isn't who I wanted to be, I remember every second I spent with you, all the little things you'd do that made fall for you after all the time I spent wondering what went wrong

Where the fuck did we go wrong?
I have a heavy weight on my chest. I can only stand for so long, I'm giving up, I'm giving up.
Your absence has left me sleepless all I wanted was for us to be happy but it was never good enough it was never fucking good enough

I want to sleep with the dead
To smell the earth after every rain
Covered in soil and dirt where my body no longer feels this hurt
My heart has tarnish, maybe it's been black from the start
It always rains hardest on those who deserve the sun, what have I done
Do these clouds ever break?

I've let bridges burn
I've watched the light fade away and the clouds they never end
I've set the fires that fuel my isolation
I'm giving up for my fucking sake
I tell my self everyday i'll be a better man, someone that lives for something more than myself, someone stronger than me so much stronger
My heart maybe heavy but it still beats, the wounds do hurt but my heart still beats for you
I'm afraid to sleep cause it's your face i see
Every night in every dream and it seems like that's how it'll always be so I stay awake at night and stare at the spot next to me where you're supposed to be

So, this is it, erase me

I'm just hoping for the best, but I'm just a walking insecurity
My mind's never at ease, my soul will not rest at peace
There's no escaping this hell
I deserve all of this
Track Name: Wrath
There is no alpha, there is no omega
There is just the here and now, no reunion just darkness underground

I refuse to believe in a god, as I've been told
I gave up everything, I gave unconditional love and returned empty handed

My words must've fallen on deaf ears
I'll assume god was too busy helping my peers to hear my pleas
Or maybe the clouds the deafened my screams

I've spent my time alone, and found the answers myself
Sinners and saints are all the same, Heaven and hell exist inside us all

We are made to suffer
Track Name: The Blacklisted
Demons didn't consume me
I was never any good to begin with
Exile My soul, no good deed can redeem my existence

I feel nothing from those around me
The seraphim just pushed me away, just pushed me away
I can't recall the last time I saw light, too much decay my body is giving the fight
Givin' up the fight

I'm awake but i don't call this alive
I'm breathing but , but my body is receding
I thought i had hope, but i found was grieving

I just can't come to terms with what I'm dealing with
The hell inside me and the heaven that left me I put my foundations in flesh and bone, humans were not meant to be homes
I do not feel warmth from the black clouds above my head
I'm soaked to the bone and I'm so homesick

Dragging my body, breaking my bones
Baptize me in soil and worms
So blacklist me from heaven cause if this is life and if this is a fathers love i'd rather die
Track Name: Cavity (Ft. Santos Camara of Groundfeeder)
Move me out of your head and into the gallows
Move me out of your head
Black out the sun, black out the nights
Living life just to hate life
Empty promises form your empty fucking head
Drowning your demons is useless the thrive in the shallows

Actions without thoughts of other bringing back lashing storms of violent weather
Once fair seas never seem to settle, you are the ocean and i am the lonely vessel out at sea
God damn

Can't you see that you destroy me with ease
You still linger in the air
Everything is wrong, there's nothing you can do to save this
There's nothing alike between you and I
You are the false light that's blinding my sight
You're dead to me

Actions without thoughts of other bringing back lashing storms of violent weather
Once fair seas never seem to settle, you are the ocean and I am a lonely vessel out at sea

Teeth rotting from he inside out
All you speak is decay, i watched your demons swallow you lie a cavity

You told me you'd change, I can't believe I fell for it
I can't believe i feel for it

Sever the ties with the knife in my chest
I left far too much of me in the Midwest
Separate the ties, good riddance, this is for the best

We both know I'm better off alone
We both know I'm better off alone
Track Name: Collinsville
I shouldn't have held you up so high, you're only human of course you lied
But honestly, I expected more from you, from you

I still, I still remember every word you said
"Please come my way"
I promise i will someday
A dream come true, fell in love with you and the lies I was force fed
I'm just praying that death can silence the voices in my head

You've convinced me heaven isn't real, but hell, Hell is real

It's a place inside of my head
It's where I go when i can't sleep at night
It's what i feel when my head and heart fight
It's the voice that says "you'll never do this right"
You'll never do this right, you'll never do this right

I promise i'm trying so hard to let go of the resent I feel in my heart
But I've never felt so betrayed, I felt myself decaying since the first day
what more can I say I let you in, I trusted you , you ripped it out
More lies than I can count

You can keep it
Don't want my heart back
Don't wanna feel like this another fucking time
I don't wanna see the sun again
I can't see your face without regretting every second i spent in that fucking place
Since I can't forget you i'll kill our memories, erase all trace of those dark days
Forget my heart ever stayed in your hands, burn my dreams let me live with the damned

Ten days in heaven turned to hell you stole my soul my hearts still in Collinsville

So i'll sit in my grave
Writing letters to no one
Screaming songs for the world to hear of all the things I wish I had said
The things I kept in my head, but theses word will never reach your ears

I'd saying i'm trying to forget you but I never really knew you
You're just another no one, you're just another no one now
Track Name: Pale Skin
I cant sleep, bags under my eyes just get heavier
Can't breathe, I can't even think straight
These sleepless nights are growing old
Dear world, i submit you've gotten the best of me
Just give me a moment to exist, to clear my fucking head
It seems like every choice i make is another dead end

These four walls a prison not a home, these people I call my family just make me feel alone
It's like I'rm living a life filled with ghosts, empty bodies with no hosts

When we talk it never feels the same
I can't remember the last time you said my name
I'll tear your walls down and build a coffin in there place
Cause when we talk it's like speaking with the dead
Every memory of you has made a graveyard in my head
I've grown so sick of the cold beneath my sheets
in my mind
in my veins
why can't things just stay the fucking same
I've grown so jaded, so full of fucking hatred

I'll tear your walls down and build a coffin in there place
When we talk it never feels the same, I don't even recognize your face
It's hard to think anyone would want to warm my pale skin

I yearn for the petrichor, to smell the earth after every rain
These ghostly thoughts always come back
Amarathine, these days never end
When we talk it's like I'm speaking to the dead
Never feels the same
It's like I'm living a life filled with ghosts

For every word I say
The phantom chill fades away
For every word I say
The phantom chill fades away
Track Name: Ouroboros (Ft. Justin Phasavath of Prestige)
I could could cry out to god but I don'think he's listening

I could bring it all to an end, but that just puts the weight on my friends

So if I'm still here after all the shit I've been through, then whats your excuse.
I will bloom

This is an ouroboros of the soul
I am free, from negativity